Jenny likes to fast forward through the commercials when we watch television. And it drives me batty. I grew up with commercials. Commercials are like the circadian rhythm. I can’t comprehend how anyone watches television without the buffer zone of the commercials. Commercials allow you to get a snack, to collect your thoughts, to, umm, relieve yourself. How can anyone watch television without commercials?
You have meddled with the primal forces of nature. And by primal forces I mean my kidneys. My kidneys need commercials. My kidneys grew up watching commercials. Who is the sadist who invented the technology that allows her to fast forward through commercials on programs that aren’t recorded? I don’t know what kind of planet we’re living on these days, but I long for the good old days of broadcast television. I started my career as a television watcher as a designated channel changer. This was in the days before remote control. Or at least the days before my family had remote control. Who needed it, they had me. Forty years later you can’t sit on a couch with someone who doesn’t get fidgety three seconds into a commercial about antacids. I need to know about antacids. And upcoming truck and tractor pulls, and whatever it was they were selling in that mysterious blue bottle. I understand a great many of you will tune in to a sporting event you can’t stand tomorrow just to watch the commercials, then talk about them as if you were discussing classic cinema, only to return to your commercial zapping ways on Monday. Not me. I love commercials.
Please give me back my commercials.
Oh, what a relief it is.